No I won't do it, I refuse, I'm tired of saying Goodbye

     So it's been awhile since my last post, and I wish it was because I was too busy or things just piled up, but to be honest I've just been lazy.  So apologies if your life was empty because I hadn't written anything (... and I'm not going to lie, we really need to talk if you are waiting on my blog posts. :) )  So I guess I will just jump into it..

     Last week we got word that my Grandma was in the hospital.  Evidently she had a series of small strokes and the prognosis wasn't good.  Yesterday they moved her to hospice, and started medicating her because she was extremely uncomfortable and crying.  For those of you who don't know my grandma, A)You're missing out, because that woman is AMAZING (and that's an understatement!) B) I've only seen her cry a few times in my life, and those times, were times a mother should not have to go through.  So now she's sleeping.  To me that's good for her.  She has raised 10 children, 67 grand kids (yes you read that right) and I'm sorry but I've lost count of the great grandchildren.  She survived the heartache of burying her husband Cippy, two of her sons, and even some grand kids.  She's been through hundreds of weddings, graduations, funerals, births, birthday parties, anniversary parties, and family barbecues.  I will miss her tremendously when the time finally comes, but I'm not going to say goodbye.  I've said goodbye too many times in the last 10 years.  I said goodbye to my mom, my dad, two of my players from my old soccer team, my friend and assistant coach, and family members.  I refuse to say goodbye (this is the part where I hold my breath and turn blue...) but I do want to say something...

     First off I want to say I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I didn't visit more often.  I'm sorry I didn't call.  I'm sorry I couldn't make more family functions.  I know I will be judged for all of this, and to be honest there is only one judgement I care about, so if you want to judge go ahead, the lines forms towards the back.

     Secondly, I want to say Thank You!  One of the greatest things you taught me (and reinforced through what you taught my dad) was to help everyone whenever you can.  I guess that's one of the biggest reasons I had to say sorry so much.  The loyalty and dedication you instilled in my dad and me, makes me feel bad when I let someone down.  When I give someone my word, it's gold, because it's what you taught us.  Help everyone, even if it means you go without.  Don't expect anything in return, because that's no reason to help someone.  Help them because they need it and because you can, no matter what the personal sacrifice.  Be good to everyone, because they deserve it.  Respect your elders, because that's where your history is, and where your knowledge will come from.  Be the best person you can be, because it's the right thing to do.  Family comes first, and even though we may not be there in body, we are always there for you no matter what.

     I hope I've learned the lessons that you wanted me to.  I have the best grandma in the world.  You probably won't be able to read this, but that's okay.  I just hope you know that I love you, and I'm sorry I won't say goodbye.  I will just say, until we see each other again.  When will that be?  I don't know, only God knows that answer, but for me, when I help someone who needs it, when I give someone my word, when things get rough... I will think of you and that amazing smile, and that will be enough to get me through the toughest times.  I will miss you, I will always love you, I will think about you often...